How are You Leading Yourself?

How are you leading yourself?  Recently I was challenged by this question by Henry Cloud in 'Boundaries for Leaders'. As leaders we often get busy being reactive to the urgent, emails, daily demands and the volume of work that we shoulder.  But Cloud emphasizes the importance of proactively surrounding ourselves with an independent support network.

We need to open ourselves to outside input that brings us energy and guidance.  As leaders we all need a support system.  No matter how capable we are, working in isolation is not healthy for our personal growth or effective leadership.

He suggests that leaders who are champions are bolstered with a strong support system.  This may include an advisory board, a coach, mentors and others who speak into our lives.  As leaders we must not isolate ourselves.  Cloud suggests that the ideal support people will come from outside of our organization.  From those who are objective and don't have a vested interest in the outcomes, yet they are for us!

He goes onto say...

'Leaders need outside voices to provide emotional and functional support, not just so they can avoid mistakes but also so they can grow as leaders.'

'The fact is we all get subjective and do not see the whole truth, about ourselves or about others.  We need outside eyes to help us.  We need another set of ears to hear what is going on.  To not recognize this is the height of arrogance.'

'While internal advisers are essential, outside ones are different. They protect you by having no conflict of interest; they are only there to help you, not to serve themselves, if they are good ones.'

The challenge to me personally is who do I need to invite to bolster my support network?  This means being vulnerable and open and giving permission for others to speak directly into my life.  But God never intended for us to journey through life in isolation, but rather in community.  What additional people could be part of my support community?

Question to Consider: In what areas do you need outside input?  Where can you get this?

Intent is Key to Trust

Trust is a constant theme throughout all the leadership and management books I have read recently. Henry Cloud (Boundaries for Leaders) talks about the need to understand what we mean by trust, the nature, elements and components that make up trust.  One of the key components he refers to is that of 'intent'.

What does he mean by 'intent'?  To truly trust someone we need to know that they are for us and their intent is to help us.  We need to know they are looking out for us (as well as for themselves) and thinking about how things will affect the team.  Cloud suggests that being for the 'whole' and for the 'other' as well as for yourself builds trust.

I can recall several colleagues that I have worked with in the past.  People I would describe as completely honest and reliable in their dealings, yet deep down I didn't fully trust them.  On reflection I believe the issue was that their own agenda was above that of the team, the individual above the whole.  They didn't have my back covered. It's not easy to identify exactly how this looks, but it comes through in subtle actions and attitudes.

I had never considered how intent builds into trust, but I can now see that it as an important component.  Jesus words to "love your neighbor as yourself" could also be paraphrased as "love your colleagues as yourself" or to "love your team as yourself".

Question to Ponder: How 'for' the team am I?  How would others describe my 'intent'?

Why does Connection Matter so Much?

Henry Cloud's book Boundaries for Leaders continues to provide much food for thought.  A few quotes from the chapter 'Power Through Connection'.

Why does connection matter so much in performance?  And how can leaders create it and enhance it?

Our brains need positive relationship to grow and function well.

Creating an environment that allows for vulnerability and high levels of trust builds connection.

To connect with you, I need to be aware of you and what you are dealing with, and you with me.

When people feel like they are out of the loop, the seeds of disconnection are sown. 

Create a climate where problems and issues get shared and solved through the team's engagement with one another.

When people can go into the hard stuff and begin to talk about what they are experiencing, the power of relationships to transform those states of fear into courage, or anger into resolution, is a truly wonderful thing.

In good relationships, where the connections are deep and trusting, long-lasting damage doesn't have to be a side effect of honesty and conflict.  Misunderstandings are short-term, feelings aren't hurt, and even when the situation needs to get fixed, apologies, humility, and humor come swiftly and easily. 

Before you try to move people to your position,make sure they feel that you understand where they are coming from, what they are feeling, and what they are dealing with.

Questions to Ask: In what ways are your team and organization showing disconnection?  What kind of meetings do you currently have?  Do they foster connection?

Moods and Emotions are Contagious

A few very helpful thoughts (quoted directly) from 'Boundaries for Leaders' by Dr Henry Cloud, from his chapter 'The emotional climate that makes brains perform'.

The cold, hard scientific facts are that your people think better when they are not stressed, afraid, or depressed.  Yet many leaders do not put a lot of thought into creating a positive emotional climate for their people, and sometimes they create the exact opposite.

Mood research in scientific studies has shown that moods and emotions, both positive and negative, are "contagious." We "pass on" good or bad feelings and "infect" others' well-being.

So ask yourself: What kind of mood and energy am I fostering when I enter a room?  When I give feedback?  When I make a request?  When I make a correction?  When I communicate agenda and set performance targets?  Further, what kinds of experiences am I building into my teams, reporting relationships, culture, and climate that make sure that there are positive chemicals flowing through the brains of my people?

So how do you create positive emotional climates and avoid negative ones?  Begin with paying attention to your own emotions and then developing a healthy emotional climate with your teams and in your culture.

Question to Ask: What kind of emotional tone do your team and culture have now?  What creates that tone, either positive or negative, and what can you do to make it better?

Diversity Raises the Intelligence of Groups

Reading on a train, traveling to a two day meeting, I came across the statement that 'diversity raises the intelligence of groups'.  Eight people representing six different nationalities were present at our meeting.  With a mix of males and females, varied cultural backgrounds and diverse life experiences, we indeed had much diversity represented in our small group. 

Did it raise the intelligence of our group?  I believe so!  We had rich and profitable discussions and I left the meeting encouraged that we had made great progress and good decisions.

It is tempting to surround ourselves with like minded people who understand and agree with our way of thinking, but this may miss the higher level of thinking that comes from diversity.  Working in a diverse group does require a little more energy and thoughtfulness as you seek to understand one another, but the benefits are worth it.

Thought to ponder: How diverse is the team you choose to work with?

Do your staff know you care?

Recently I sent a text to a friend asking how her husband was doing in a very stressful work situation.  Moments later she phoned in tears and thanked me for caring.  She was upset that the organisation he worked for didn’t seem to care about him as a person, or the effect on their family, of the difficult work pressure he was under.  As an Asian, working in an Asian organisation, she expected more.

The same week another friend lamented about her supervisor and the lack of engagement and caring that she had hoped she could expect in her new work environment.  As an American, working for an American organisation, she expected more.

Know the condition of your flock is the first principle in the management book ‘The Way of the Shepherd’ (Leman & Pentak).  Not just knowing the status of their work, but knowing your people personally and genuinely caring about them.  

This principle seems so simple, it’s not rocket science, and yet for both of my friends, from different cultures, working in different contexts, they are yearning for this missing aspect.  They want to feel cared for as individuals, to be known as real people with genuine needs.

So how do you really engage with the people working for you and with you?  The answer – ask lots of questions.  Ask open questions, sincere questions, and then listen well to the answers.  People will know how much you care by the questions you ask and quality of your listening.  And then follow-up, ask again in a few days about the family matter they shared, or the concern they are facing at home.  Be intentional about engaging with your staff, not only on work matters, but as people and individuals with lives that go beyond the work hours.  

Question to ponder: How would your staff currently describe your level of care?